When you picture a teenager in foster care, what comes to mind?
The biggest misconception I encountered as a case manager for foster youth was that these young people fit a label of “troubled,” “in need,” or some mental image of an angry teenager. I’d like to challenge those assumptions – not only because foster youth come from diverse backgrounds and experiences, but because they deserve to be ordinary kids as much as possible. The pinwheel (pictured above) is a symbol of child abuse prevention and the belief that all children deserve a safe and nurturing childhood. Every child’s story is different, and although a foster care designation tells us something about a child’s circumstances, it definitely does not tell us about who that child is. Even very well-meaning adults can let a teen’s foster care status overshadow their identity and autonomy.
What is normalcy? It is the ability to participate in age-appropriate activities just as their peers would whenever an average parent would allow it. That could mean going to a school dance, playing a sport, celebrating holidays and birthdays, visiting family, or learning life skills such as getting a first job or driving. Foster youth may need additional support and trauma-informed care, but that shouldn’t mean missing out on childhood. Check out FosterClub, an awesome resource with information on normalcy, resources for youth and foster parents, and updates on relevant legislation.
What does normalcy look in practice?
- Don’t make assumptions. Be curious and ask questions when appropriate while respecting privacy.
- If you know a teen in foster care in your life or work, encourage normal teen experiences as the default instead of the exception.
- Teens need adults who believe in them! Trust is powerful. Remember that teens are practicing to be adults, so before they turn 18 we can give them a safe space to make choices with guidance.
- Sometimes, the most compassionate response is actually accountability. Learning boundaries is a crucial life skill.
- We need better support for foster parents, who are often juggling caseworker visits, family visits, court hearings, therapy, and much more.
Normalcy is more than a nice idea; it is also about recognizing that foster youth deserve a voice in decisions affecting their lives. Nevada’s Foster Youth Bill of Rights is a starting point for understanding the rights and protections young people in care should have. Knowing these rights helps us move beyond good intentions and toward supporting their independence and self-advocacy.
Foster youth need the freedom to make age-appropriate decisions and mistakes. All teens need adults who see their strengths, hold reasonable expectations, encourage their interests, and show up consistently. Think about the experiences that helped you grow into the person you are today – did considering the topic of normalcy change any of your views about youth in foster care?
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